I LOVE GOLF.
There’s a lot that I still don’t
understand about the fundamentals and rules of the game, but I like watching it
on television and I LOVE accompanying my boyfriend when he goes to play. There's
no place more beautiful and serene than a well-manicured golf course. But I'm
not referring to golf in that question. I'm asking you to uncover and define
that thing that keeps you from realizing your full potential or keeps you stuck
and unable to move to the next level. The thing that keeps you handicapped. Is
it a thought, a habit, a past decision or an attitude? How do you unearth it? And even more
importantly, once discovered, how do you fix it? The total solution depends on
the specifics and nature of the problem, however at least 70% of the solution
is just realizing you have a handicap and defining what it is.
1. The unrealized fantasy: Did you lose a parent, a spouse or an opportunity at some point? Did that loss cause a massive shake up or shift in your life and circumstances? If so, you're not alone. These things are inevitable. But it’s how you deal with them that can set you apart. The unrealized fantasy is that thing that happened to you that you now blame for all your current problems. If "__" wouldn't have happened, my life would be so great.” My son lost the only father he knew when my ex-husband went to prison and later stopped communicating with him altogether. I will call him Mr. X. Mr. X met my son when he was only a year old and took him on as his son from age 1 to age 15. My son looked up to him and respected him tremendously. He grew up watching Mr. X take care of his trucking business and our family and felt he would have his love and support forever. Unfortunately, after our relationship as husband and wife hit the rocks, Mr. X no longer wanted a relationship with my son either. It crushed my son and to this day, it affects his outlook and self-esteem. He feels that his life would be different and so much better if Mr. X was still in it. He saw him as a strong and powerful person who knew how to make things happen and who would have easily supplied him with the tools and support to become anything he wanted to be; which at age 20 is to be a writer and artist in the music industry. While this may or may not be true, focusing on it is an exercise in futility and an unworthy focus of time and energy. Advice: give yourself a reasonable amount of time to grieve. I'm not trying to diminish your pain. Seek help from friends or professionals if necessary. But at the end of the day, don’t give unmerited importance and power to that person or situation that robbed you of a sense of security. So you lost a parent at a young age, your husband left you or you missed a chance to go to college because your family couldn’t afford to send you. Maybe your life would’ve been better absent those circumstances; maybe it wouldn't have. You really don't know. But whether it would have or not is not a worthy focus of energy because you cannot recapture it. A much more worthy use of your time and energy is developing a plan to overcome. You can’t afford to give this type of crippling power to anyone or anything. People overcome extraordinary circumstances that would blow your mind every day. It’s much easier to blame that situation or person for your failure than to look within yourself and determine what you are doing to contribute. Life happens to everyone. How we deal with it is what separates us.
2. Making bad decisions; repeatedly: Hindsight is 20/20; it’s true. On the front end, we don’t always have all the necessary information and insight to make the best decisions. However, some of us make a habit of making poor decisions that not only cause us pain but the people around us as well. If you are a woman who repeatedly picks the wrong man, or a husband who constantly cheats on his wife, gets caught, repents and then starts the whole cycle again, you may be a chronic bad decision maker. Repeatedly making poor choices that hurt you and the people involved with you is a handicap. It is something that keeps you stuck in a particular pattern or cycle of negativity and stunts your growth. Depending on the circumstances, this type of mental recklessness can also be very damaging to the people around you. In the example of the repeat cheater, not only is he destroying the relationship that he obviously wants to stay in, but he is destroying his wife’s self-esteem, sense of security and ability to trust. Women who consistently hook up with the wrong men waste crazy time putting up with crap and heartache while trying to mold him into the type of guy they want. Why not just try to find that guy from the start? Being in a bad relationship is especially crippling for women because we are extremely emotional beings who normally express our pain and frustration by spending countless hours venting to our friends. Venting is how we define and work out our pain. Women can spend 5 hours straight commiserating on our relationship woes. The problem is commiserating wastes a lot of time that we could spend on something that could actually be beneficial. Something like helping each other figure out a business venture to start together. My suggestion here is to take time to do frequent self-evaluations. You’ll have to figure out the most effective way to do it for you. I write in a journal, take a long shower or sometimes call my best friend and start talking from my soul. However you do it, take some time to think and reflect on your life, desires, decisions and plans. Determine what your usual decision making process consists of. Do you get all the facts before you act on things? Do you consider the consequences of your actions before acting? Do you ignore your gut feelings and instincts when making decisions? Do you learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge to guide you in future decisions? Determine your issue and take the necessary steps to break the handicapping effect bad decision making has on your life and happiness.
3. Negative Attitude; the glass is always half empty: If you think life is tough, unfair, overwhelming and downright miserable sometimes, I concur. Many times we are working hard, being nice to others, saving our money, being responsible and still we fall short. Emergencies come up to wipe out our savings, despite our best efforts at work we get overlooked for the promotion….again, and even though we are nice to our in-laws, they hate us. I know how it goes. But in spite of these negative situations, life is still a beautiful thing overall. If you have good mental and physical health you’re in a great situation to make all your dreams come true. However, if you have a “glass is half empty” mentality, you will find it difficult if not impossible to believe that. The “glass half empty” analogy is brilliant and a remarkably simple and clear way to express one of the most important philosophies in life; the good or the bad of your circumstances depends on your perspective. Think about it. You have a half glass of water. You can decide to view it as being either half empty (negative and defeatist) or half full (positive and optimistic). Your way of looking at it neither adds nor takes away from the actual contents of the glass. But what it does is create an attitude within you that enables you to feel like you are either half way to being satisfied and fulfilled or half way to lack and poverty. This simple illustration puts the power in your hands; not the world or your current circumstances to determine the contents of your glass. Do not allow a negative, cynical attitude prevent you from acknowledging the tremendous power that you have over your life and circumstances.
1. The unrealized fantasy: Did you lose a parent, a spouse or an opportunity at some point? Did that loss cause a massive shake up or shift in your life and circumstances? If so, you're not alone. These things are inevitable. But it’s how you deal with them that can set you apart. The unrealized fantasy is that thing that happened to you that you now blame for all your current problems. If "__" wouldn't have happened, my life would be so great.” My son lost the only father he knew when my ex-husband went to prison and later stopped communicating with him altogether. I will call him Mr. X. Mr. X met my son when he was only a year old and took him on as his son from age 1 to age 15. My son looked up to him and respected him tremendously. He grew up watching Mr. X take care of his trucking business and our family and felt he would have his love and support forever. Unfortunately, after our relationship as husband and wife hit the rocks, Mr. X no longer wanted a relationship with my son either. It crushed my son and to this day, it affects his outlook and self-esteem. He feels that his life would be different and so much better if Mr. X was still in it. He saw him as a strong and powerful person who knew how to make things happen and who would have easily supplied him with the tools and support to become anything he wanted to be; which at age 20 is to be a writer and artist in the music industry. While this may or may not be true, focusing on it is an exercise in futility and an unworthy focus of time and energy. Advice: give yourself a reasonable amount of time to grieve. I'm not trying to diminish your pain. Seek help from friends or professionals if necessary. But at the end of the day, don’t give unmerited importance and power to that person or situation that robbed you of a sense of security. So you lost a parent at a young age, your husband left you or you missed a chance to go to college because your family couldn’t afford to send you. Maybe your life would’ve been better absent those circumstances; maybe it wouldn't have. You really don't know. But whether it would have or not is not a worthy focus of energy because you cannot recapture it. A much more worthy use of your time and energy is developing a plan to overcome. You can’t afford to give this type of crippling power to anyone or anything. People overcome extraordinary circumstances that would blow your mind every day. It’s much easier to blame that situation or person for your failure than to look within yourself and determine what you are doing to contribute. Life happens to everyone. How we deal with it is what separates us.
2. Making bad decisions; repeatedly: Hindsight is 20/20; it’s true. On the front end, we don’t always have all the necessary information and insight to make the best decisions. However, some of us make a habit of making poor decisions that not only cause us pain but the people around us as well. If you are a woman who repeatedly picks the wrong man, or a husband who constantly cheats on his wife, gets caught, repents and then starts the whole cycle again, you may be a chronic bad decision maker. Repeatedly making poor choices that hurt you and the people involved with you is a handicap. It is something that keeps you stuck in a particular pattern or cycle of negativity and stunts your growth. Depending on the circumstances, this type of mental recklessness can also be very damaging to the people around you. In the example of the repeat cheater, not only is he destroying the relationship that he obviously wants to stay in, but he is destroying his wife’s self-esteem, sense of security and ability to trust. Women who consistently hook up with the wrong men waste crazy time putting up with crap and heartache while trying to mold him into the type of guy they want. Why not just try to find that guy from the start? Being in a bad relationship is especially crippling for women because we are extremely emotional beings who normally express our pain and frustration by spending countless hours venting to our friends. Venting is how we define and work out our pain. Women can spend 5 hours straight commiserating on our relationship woes. The problem is commiserating wastes a lot of time that we could spend on something that could actually be beneficial. Something like helping each other figure out a business venture to start together. My suggestion here is to take time to do frequent self-evaluations. You’ll have to figure out the most effective way to do it for you. I write in a journal, take a long shower or sometimes call my best friend and start talking from my soul. However you do it, take some time to think and reflect on your life, desires, decisions and plans. Determine what your usual decision making process consists of. Do you get all the facts before you act on things? Do you consider the consequences of your actions before acting? Do you ignore your gut feelings and instincts when making decisions? Do you learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge to guide you in future decisions? Determine your issue and take the necessary steps to break the handicapping effect bad decision making has on your life and happiness.
3. Negative Attitude; the glass is always half empty: If you think life is tough, unfair, overwhelming and downright miserable sometimes, I concur. Many times we are working hard, being nice to others, saving our money, being responsible and still we fall short. Emergencies come up to wipe out our savings, despite our best efforts at work we get overlooked for the promotion….again, and even though we are nice to our in-laws, they hate us. I know how it goes. But in spite of these negative situations, life is still a beautiful thing overall. If you have good mental and physical health you’re in a great situation to make all your dreams come true. However, if you have a “glass is half empty” mentality, you will find it difficult if not impossible to believe that. The “glass half empty” analogy is brilliant and a remarkably simple and clear way to express one of the most important philosophies in life; the good or the bad of your circumstances depends on your perspective. Think about it. You have a half glass of water. You can decide to view it as being either half empty (negative and defeatist) or half full (positive and optimistic). Your way of looking at it neither adds nor takes away from the actual contents of the glass. But what it does is create an attitude within you that enables you to feel like you are either half way to being satisfied and fulfilled or half way to lack and poverty. This simple illustration puts the power in your hands; not the world or your current circumstances to determine the contents of your glass. Do not allow a negative, cynical attitude prevent you from acknowledging the tremendous power that you have over your life and circumstances.
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